


We Both Knew For Some Time, I'd Say

by leshna



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Trench Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16310927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leshna/pseuds/leshna
Summary: Josh, in all his innocent, brunette glory, was reclining in his favorite couch spot, head tipped back and eyes squeezed shut, hand going 100 bpm under his Nike shorts. He was topless, drenched in sweat and had clearly just finished practicing. He had a comically large pair of headphones on. And, for some reason, there was a steady stream of tears running down his face.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mild tw for verbal abuse & nsfw
> 
> This story takes place during the Trench era starting right before ACD. It's my first fic, so constructive criticism is welcome! No offense intended to any of the people depicted; it's just fiction.

It had been over a year since the last time Tyler Joseph had tasted that sweet, sweet nectar they call Red Bull, and that was more than enough time for him to develop an intense craving. The hiatus had been long and rough, and he hadn’t wanted to touch anything that might impair his ability to write. He wanted this show back on the road as soon as possible. 

Which is why, one year, four singles, and seven mental breakdowns later, he was more than a little excited to celebrate the return to caffeine with his favorite drummer. Josh had seemed a little down for the past week, too—past year, really—so Tyler was certain a boost would do him good.

“Hey Josh, look what I-”

He was an inch away from opening the door to the tour bus when the scene unfolding inside had caught his eye through the window. Tyler froze. Josh, in all his innocent, brunette glory, was reclining in his favorite couch spot, head tipped back and eyes squeezed shut, hand going 100 bpm under his Nike shorts. He was topless, drenched in sweat and had clearly just finished practicing. He had a comically large pair of headphones on. And, for some reason, there was a steady stream of tears running down his face.

Tyler found himself completely unable to tear his eyes away, despite knowing exactly how wrong it was. It wasn’t the masturbation that was entrancing him; when you share a tour bus for years, accidents are bound to happen, and all of the guys had been walked in on at less than fortunate moments many times. In fact, scenarios like this played in Tyler’s mind more often than he cared to admit. No, the act itself wasn’t a big deal; what caught Tyler’s attention was how completely and utterly sad Josh looked.

Judging by his rate increasing steadily, Tyler guessed whatever song was playing through those headphones was reaching its climax. Josh clenched his jaw and pushed out his orgasm almost as if it was painful, and while his hand slowed to a stop, his breathing started getting considerably slower.

When it was over, he got up, stood stock still for a moment, let a breathless “Goddammit!” fly from his mouth, and then punched the wall.

Tyler had a feeling that whatever it was in Josh’s life that led to that punch was very, very wrong. He didn’t break anything, but Josh looked like he was in complete agony over something; maybe his anxiety was coming back with a vengeance? Or maybe he was having problems with Debby again?

Whatever it was, Tyler decided the Red Bull could wait and quickly walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

“We’re Twenty One Pilots, and so are you. Thank you.”

The boys were drenched in sweat, exhausted from the exertion as well as the panic induced by their first performance in a year. They were practically carrying each other off the stage at this point, staggering like drunken teenage lovers. Tyler was over the moon; the fans loved the new music, his idea for My Blood live had been a huge success, and he truly couldn’t wait to start spending every day making music with Josh again.

The two reached Tyler’s dressing room, and he turned to Josh to see if he was feeling the same elation.

“Hey man, can you believe it? We’re back. It doesn’t even feel real, right? Just like old times.”

Josh wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah man, that was great. I’m proud of you. Best performance yet.” He hesitated, then turned to the door. “I’ll see ya in the AM.”

Tyler watched as he slipped out without another word.

 

***

 

“Josh? Are you in there?” Tyler knocked twice on the drummer’s door.

“Yeah, it’s open.”

Tyler opened the door quietly and walked over to join his best friend on the couch. Josh was working on his laptop, no doubt working on new practice tracks already. He looked pale, sleep deprived, and hungry.

“Are you…” Tyler paused for a long moment.

“Am I what?”

“Josh… What happened to you? I mean, are you okay? I know it’s been rough with Debby’s show coming out and all the publicity stuff, but I didn’t realize it was affecting you this-”

“Yeah, Tyler, I’m fine. Debby’s fine.” Josh visibly flinched at his own harshness. His voice softened. “She’s with family today. I just need a little time to get used to tour again, is all.”

Tyler didn’t like the way Josh was avoiding his eyes, so he leaned in and tried to speak as gently as possible. “I know something’s going on. You know you can still talk to me about anything. Always, right?”

Josh nodded. Tyler moved as if to lean his head on the other’s shoulder, but before he could make contact, Josh was standing up and slipping out of his grasp.

“Thanks, Ty. I got it.” 

He went to walk away, but Tyler caught him by the wrist. “Hey, you’re not— Dude, everyone knows you’re not okay. What’s going on, Josh?”

“I’m fine, Tyler. I appreciate your concern, but I promise you don’t know me better than I do, so can we please just let it go? Let’s focus on tour.”

He didn’t bother shutting the door on his way out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Something was wrong, and Tyler was going to help if Josh killed him in the process. He missed him. He made up his mind the next night to go and talk to Josh again. This time he’d try opening up first; maybe Josh was just feeling insecure. He was inches away from opening the door when something stopped him in his tracks again, just like the last week, but this time, nothing sexual was going on.

“Why won’t you just tell me the truth? I know! We all know! Everybody in the goddamn world knows, except apparently him! Stop lying to me!”

Debby was angrier than Tyler had ever seen her before. She was red in the face, standing a few feet away from Josh yelling as if her life depended on it, while he was sitting on the couch with a completely blank look on his face.

“I’m not lying,” he whispered.

“Oh my god, what are you, five years old? It’s too late to cover your tracks now! God, I knew you were a little slow, but I had no idea THIS was going to happen. Get a grip, Dun!”

“That’s not fair.”

“Fair? What the hell do you think is fair? Is it fair to me to have to be dating someone as big of a screw up as you are? Huh? Because I don’t think that’s very fair to me, Joshua!”

Tyler threw the door open. Nobody talks to Josh like that. “Hey, lay off him, Debby. What are you even doing in here? This room is for the band.”

“Oh look, there he is!” The smile on her face was full of thinly veiled rage. “Go ahead, Joshua. Tell him yourself.”

“Tell me what?”

Debby flashed a bitter smirk. “Why Joshie boy here is single.”

She stormed past Tyler and drove off. He cautiously went to join Josh on the couch, hesitating before gesturing to the seat next to him.

“Can I…?”

“Sure. Why would I care?” Josh’s eyes were red and puffy, but his expression was calm. It felt like he’d been crying for weeks.

Tyler sat for a long moment before deciding on what to say.

“What happened? You don’t have to tell me, but I want you to. I want to be there for you like you’ve always been there for me.”

Josh scoffed. “Yeah. Thanks, Tyler. As you can clearly see, I’m a great listener, and everyone close to me loves me and respects me for it. That’s why my relationship is so flawless, and my family gets along so well, and my mental health is just peachy.”

Tyler was getting scared. “Please just tell me what happened.”

“Okay. You wanna know?” He pulled out his phone and opened the browser. “She found this, Tyler. What do you make of that?”

Tyler took the phone from his hand and quickly scanned the screen.

“Fanfiction? This stuff’s harmless. Why would she be so mad about that? The fans love you two; it’s all in good fun.”

“She isn’t in it. Keep reading.”

Tyler scrolled, froze, and gulped.

“...Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I...don’t understand.”

“Well, you see, it’s set during the Regional at Best tour. You and I got a motel for the night after a show, but there was only one bed, so we had to—”

“No, yeah, I, uh, I get that.”

“Yeah.”

“Just why..?”

Josh went silent. The tears were threatening to spill over again.

“Why...would she be so mad about this? I’m sure you were just Googling yourself like everyone does sometimes. It’s nothing to be ashamed o—”

“Check my history,” he whispered.

Tyler did. There was a beat of silence.

“...Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So it’s…”

“A regular thing? Yeah.”

“How—?”

“Once or twice a week. Lately…” He took a shaky breath. “Lately it’s been every night.”

“Josh...why?” Tyler leaned forward and met his friend’s eyes for the first time. They were filled with fire.

“Because I fucking missed you, Tyler, okay?” The tears had gone, and anger was slowly settling back in. “You completely abandoned me. You scooped me up from that rundown town in Ohio and gave me the time of my life and made me _feel_ all these things I’ve never felt before, and then you just dropped my ass like it was nothing. It’s been a YEAR, Tyler. A year. And I miss you so _fucking_ badly that this stuff keeps me up at night because at least I get to feel like we’re back in the good days for a little while. And it worked, too, until Debby found out, and now she’s gone, and now I’ll never find anyone else, and I’m just gonna miss you for the rest of my life.”

Tyler was tearing up now. “You don’t have to miss me. I’m right here, Josh!”

“No, Tyler, you’re not. You’re with Jenna. You’re married and you bought a house and I only have a couple years before you have kids and I don’t even hear from you _now_ unless we’re on the road.” Josh looked at him with empty eyes. “You’re gone, Tyler. This is the only way I get to have you back, and look what it’s done to me.”

Tyler felt a tear drop onto his shirt, but he held himself together long enough to ask the one question he still hadn’t figured out the answer to.

“If you really feel that way...why didn’t you just tell Debby that?”

Josh laughed bitterly. “I did.”

“Then why—?”

“She thinks I’m lying and I’m reading that stuff because I’m secretly in love with you.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Silence.

“Josh, that’s ridiculous.”

“... Okay, Tyler. I’m gonna go...drum, or something.”

Tyler was left alone on the couch to wonder what the hell had gone wrong over the past year.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks of silence and awkwardness went by. Tyler thought it was best to give his friend some space. That is, until the next time they were sitting on the couch and Josh put on those headphones. Tyler was flooded by a memory of the incident from before. The image of Josh crying, desperate, and shuddering with pleasure hadn’t left his mind since it happened, and Tyler was starting to go crazy.

“Josh.”

Nothing.

“ _Josh.”_

He removed the headphones. “What?”

“I just…” He started biting at his bottom lip.

Josh was wary. “Tyler, if this is going to be about Debby, I don’t wanna hear it. It’s over. You can’t convince me to go back to her. She wouldn’t even take me back if I tried; she hates me. She hadn’t let me touch her for a long time, even before all this happened. Not like I’d wanted it, anyway. She’s pretty and all, but she’s not… It’s not… ugh.”

Tyler moved closer to him. “No, no no no, that’s not what I was going to say. God, never. I just… Why? Why didn’t she believe you? I get that reading...that stuff...looks weird, but you could’ve explained your way out of it. I know how good you are at making stuff up on the spot.”

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t talk my way out of this one.”

“Why not?”

“Because, in her words, I ‘moan your name in my goddamn sleep’,” Josh deadpanned.

Tyler wasn’t ready for that. “You… What? Why?”

Josh was pissed again. “I don’t know. Why the _fuck_ do you think, Tyler? You’re the lyrical genius here; figure it out.”

“Whoa, stop. Stop getting all pissed at me all the time! I’m not the one who did this to you, Josh!”

“But you are, though, actually, Tyler. You _are_ the one who did this to me!” He was yelling now. “ _You_ did this to me. _You_ changed my life forever, _you_ found Jenna and left me for a year, and _you_ are the reason Debby left me.”

Tyler was starting to panic. “Then why are you even in the band anymore, Josh? Explain that.”

“Because I fucking love it, Tyler! I would throw my own goddamn family to the wolves for you, and you know it!”

“Then tell me what I can do to help you! I just want to stop feeling like you’re so far away from me all the time! Let me help; let me _in_!”

“You can’t help, Tyler. You can’t give me what I want. You can’t give me what I need.”

“What do you need, Josh? Look at me. What do you need?”

Josh’s eyes tore through his own like daggers for a split second. Then, all at once, there were strong hands on either side of his face and warm lips on top of his. Tyler’s heart stopped, and his stomach dropped. He held his breath and tried to ignore the screaming in his mind until Josh let go and pulled away, gasping.

“God. God! Your fucking fault, Tyler. You have to be so goddamn perfect all the time and now this is all I am, and this is all my life will ever be.” Josh wiped away a fallen tear and moved to leave. With one hand on the doorknob, he turned over his shoulder and said, “Tell Jenna I said her last Insta post was cute. You two make a great couple.”

The door slammed shut behind him.

 

***

 

Tyler took a total of ten minutes after the confrontation to pull himself together before shakily knocking on Josh’s door.

“Leave, Tyler.”

“Let me in.”

“Leave.”

“I’m not _leaving,_ Josh.”

There were footsteps and a long sigh from the other side. Josh pulled the door open and looked tiredly at Tyler. The drummer was wearing an oversized shirt and his hair was messed up, and meeting his eyes, Tyler promptly forgot everything he had come to say.

“I…”

Josh gave him an unimpressed look.

“I came because…”

He sighed. “Yeah, Ty, that’s what I thought. Goodbye.”

He went to close the door and was halfway there when the singer pushed it open and leapt forward, capturing Josh in another kiss. This time Tyler could breathe, and Josh felt his heart that had been frozen for so long begin to thaw. Lips moved against lips, landing over and under again and again, so many times Josh was concerned that Tyler was experiencing an unfortunate twitch. It wasn’t until he felt something warm and wet meet his mouth that he pushed the singer away.

“Ty—”

“No, Josh, listen.”

“But Jenna—”

“Jenna knows.”

“... What?”

“She knows, okay? She’s known I had a thing for you since before I ever had one for her. She practically begged me to ask you out, but I was always convinced you were better off with someone else. We have her blessing, okay? She _wants_ me to be with you.”

Josh’s brain stuttered. “Then...Tyler, what the _fuck_? Why the hell did you wait until now to tell me that? We’ve been dancing around each other for seven years!”

Tyler was reaching the point of being manic, and he spoke so fast Josh was afraid he might choke. “Because she was right!” He kissed him again, hard and fast. “I liked you. You liked me. And it was _terrifying._ ” Another kiss. “I thought it would go away with time, but it just got stronger, and performing with you got harder and harder to do without staring, and I felt myself slipping closer and closer to crossing a line, and I had to take a break, but the break killed me, and it killed _you,_ oh god, and it was a mistake and—Josh, please—”

The drummer took a deep breath, held Tyler by the shoulders at arm’s length, and finally allowed himself to look him square in the eyes.

“Are you s—”

“YES, Josh, I’m sure.”

“This is what you want?”

“Josh, this is all I’ve wanted for six years.” He breathed. “And I know it’s what you want, too. We both know it. I think… We both knew for some time, I’d say.”

Josh chewed his lip. “Well, then, that means... if we don’t have any reason not to… what are we waiting for?”

They grinned at each other, and Josh giddily lifted the singer into a tight hug. The two couldn’t stop smiling, but Tyler kept kissing him again anyway. It was mostly bumping teeth and laughing into each other’s mouths, but it was the first time in a long time that Josh had felt genuinely happy, and he wasn’t planning on suppressing anything like that again any time soon, so he let himself kiss back, all the affection of six years’ worth of unexpressed love breaking free once and for all.


End file.
